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Family Feud Lost Episode
Alright, listen up you sons of bitches. I’ve had FUCKING ENOUGH of these fucking VHS tapes. I am tired of this shit. It’s enough already. I’m not going to pretend to be nice here anymore. I have TURNED A PAGE. And that page says: this isn’t funny anymore. I changed my name. I had to move out of town. The TAP WATER is disconnected. I don’t trust your access to the fluoride. Me? I just get bored sometimes and I want to watch a quality program. But I never though this would happen. It was a game show. A game show! Family feud, a show where various families are asked to partake in a survey, and then the “survey says” something different, and we’re supposed to guess the quality of the survey. Here’s a survey: are you fucking scared yet? You will be. I looked the VHS tape. I…threw it in the garbage. I wasn’t going to watch it this time. But then I heard a weird, static noise in the background. “Hey hey, there fella, it’s time to watch the family feud, let’s fued, you and me. I’m Louie Anderson!” Indeed it was Louie Anderson, but I hadn’t seen him as the host in years., I assumed he was dead. Dead to me at least, since I would no longer watch the fued, knowing he was no longer going to participate in the feudin’ the hollerin’, or the warring. I had to participate in the dance. My eyes: that bubble tv, and the audience of my hopes and dreams. I picked up the VHS tape out of the trash. I dusted it off, removed an old funyuns wrapper and licked the sensual plastic with my prosthetic tongue. It was time to watch family feud. I heard the sound of applause, as there were tiny microphones embedded in the VHS tape. They were recording me, and I could even see a camera in there. The Feud Corporation wasn’t going to like this. I put the tape in and pressed play. I heard the familiar music play. Louie Anderson walked in, eyes bloodshot. “Welcome to family feud!” He yelled excitedly. He looked disheveled, to say the least. But it was 2018 and he wasn’t the host anymore. I could tell a feud was brewing, but no families were involved to my knowledge. Steve Harvey walked in. “Welcome to-“ he paused, dead in his tracks, eyeing the fat man and his bucket of long john silvers, chunky chicken fat lips and love of grease-puckering potato chips. “Who this fat man ? “ He made a face, and the audience laughed, hooting and hollering in a manner I didn’t think possible. “Welcome to FUCKIN FEUD!” Louie Anderson gobbled up the fried fish dinner, poured potatoes and gravy down his gullet, and began moving his jaw up and down. Steve Harvey started to shove Louie Anderson off the stage as a doll grip and stage hand moved in to remove either of the two actors from the premises. The audience sounded confused, maybe even a little frightened. “I used to be a tv star!” Louie Screamed. “Don’t listen to them! It’s the ghost of Louie Anderson!” The ghost of louie Anderson. And then… he started flying. It was just so bizarre. It wasn’t CG or strings. He was literally flying. The fat man flew around the room while you could visibly see Steve Harvey dialing his agent. The families got up and left. One of the families was named Cocksuckers, but I don’t think that was their last name because the grandmother started to cry as she was led off the stage by various employees. “We’re havin’ chicken for dinner!” Louie Anderson produced several Cornish game hens from his pants as he threw them to the audience, spinning faster, dangling his porky arms left and right, to and fro, bumpin’ and swayin’. He was laughing to himself, and flying faster and fucking faster. “And pretty soon, in a few years.” The cops broke into the studio, “GET DOWN!” One of them yelled. He rolled as Louie flew in, very fast. The cop dodged, narrowly avoiding Louie Anderson. “Survey says: Dead.” You hear a loud buzzing and a red X flashes on screen as the police officer screams. Louie Anderson appears to have psychic powers. The cop squeals like a pig, bacon falls out of his pockets, and there is bacon grease, or maybe urine. And then his head literally fucking explodes. “Rated PG-13 for pork and pork products” the cop’s skull lay on the floor, covered in blood, skin and pieces of muscle while Louie continues to fly around. “Get the fuck up there!” Louie Anderson screams, eyes bloodshot. It was the bonus round. Louie smiled. “Maybe it’s easier to see the world that way. I mean you? You wouldn’t even be a Christian if the roman emperor palpatine hadn’t forced his citizens to worship the pagan sun god, saturnalia. But me, I’m a three horned goat. What’s the weather forecast? I’m guessin’ hail. HAIL SATAN. HAIL SATAN!” He screamed, his eyes grew red and then exploded this was really scary I was frightened. The families didn’t even get a fucking chance to play the game. I googled Louie Anderson quickly, and he wasn’t dead. Who was this guy. His eyes grew redder. “And the truth is, every day I’ve seen you you’ve just grown more beautiful. I’ve watched you battle the elements and fail, and in my heart I know you’re condemned, but I won’t allow it. I want to see you livce. I’ve written a lot of creepypastas, but I’ve destroyed most of them. Almost all of them. The truth? I didn’t want to frighten you. But let’s face it. I am. Louie. Anderson.” Louie Anderson flew into the ceiling and exploded as the red x’s were all over. “Survey says: die.” And then… the entire studio audience caught fire and exploded. Everyone was dead. The ghost of Louie Anderson had killed them all. A few weeks later I googled Louie Anderson’s phone number by contacting a celebrity contact service. They informed me Louie Anderson wasn’t a celebrity and promptly hung up. After searching the local Applebees, I found him. “Louie Anderson?” I asked. “He look confused, and concerned.” “I don’t know what you’re talking about,. He said. Louie Anderson didn’t die. He’s right here.” He and steve Harvey were having a drink, and I could tell they were talking about me. They quickly shuffled into a taxicab and vanished, leaving me with the VHS and my scrambled egg brains to put the pieces together. I know what I saw though. A few weeks later I got a Louie Anderson in the mail. No, I’m not kidding. He had maialed himself to me. But I didn’t open the package. Rumors are, if you hear scratching late at night, that’s louie Anderson, trying to escape his cardboard package prison, trying…to feud. A family feud. The. Family. Feud. Category:CreepyPasta Article Category:Lost Episodes Category:Creepypastas narrated by DaveTheUseless